##robust^traumatized reactions #400w#cf kids,BGC..

See also ##[19] PIP hazard=worse than kids,BMI,BGC..

“Bad things happen to all of us. What counts is how we react to it.” — first heard from a PWM contractor (Indian).

I don’t want a big tabular analysis… Perhaps just focus on how fast I regained strength. Resilience and robust are big words in my vocabulary. Self-esteem is important too, but optimism is more important.

  • “C” is my self-rating of My reactions to PIP —- traumatized 惊弓之鸟. too long-lasting, too personal, too ruminative. It /cast too long a shadow/ over my long-term career planning and job choices.
    • 🙂 However, I am always courageous and resilient to take up the challenge right after the PIP, and focus on work.
  • ——- all other reactions are more calm, resilient or even robust ——-
  • “B     ” my reaction to high-flier classmates —- I continue to fight the irrational , illogical reaction.  The harm is much light than PIP reaction.
  • “BBB ” My reaction to U.S. and Singapore immigration issues —- a little drawn out. I worried for quite a long time, proportional to the level of complexity. But I was calm and focused on the problem.
  • “BBB ” My reaction to the trespass —- severe for the first few days but I managed to shrug it off after lots of research online.
  • “BB   ” My reaction to kids’ academic difficulties, weight problem, —- a bit Pessimistic, but much lighter in comparison to PIP. I managed to detach myself emotionally and grow my resilience.
  • “AAA ” My reaction to investment foes —- shows a sign of strength. Resilience. I shrugged it off most of the time and focused on work.
  • “A     ” My reaction to rejections by women —- not robust not positive. I kinda acknowledged that I have a high standard and I wasn’t so attractive on the ‘market’. I think that was fairly realistic.
  • “BBB+”My reaction to the underwhelming quant prospect, my poor ROI —- realistic and negative. I didn’t complain for long. I accepted it and put it aside.
  • “AA   ” My reaction to my c# ROI —- calm. I remain confident about my c#.
  • “AAA ” my reaction to the perceived gap behind coding test pros. I renew my effort without over-thinking
    “AAA ” my reaction to contract terminations at Citi —- positive. I wasted no time. No self-pity.
  • “AAA+”My reactions to repeated interview rejections — always robust and positive. I get right back on the horse after I fall.

irrational envy for all-round high flyers

When I first identify an acquaintance as an all-round high flyer, his (her) “note-worthy” achievements were invariablly rather few, thanks to my automatic filter on his other “success” stories … becasue those kinds of “successes” are, at a deep and personal level, unimportant to me. But then those things insidiously sneak past my defence into my inferiority complex and /infest/. Extremely irrational and 不值得.

I would rather feel inferior to someone (I know well) with many unrelated yet worthy achievements [3]. I doubt there’s any in my circle.

Incidentally, when a public speaker is introduced on stage, the audience often hear a list of “successes” which are mostly unimportant to me.

(Even though none of them is a friend I know well enough) Over the years there were a small number of acquaintances [1] I have singled out. Once I singe one out, I tend to lose my critical thinking and see many unimportant/insignificant/secondary “achievements” as enviable. Critical thinking is badly, badly needed at such a juncture!

Incidentally, one of the most effective ways to feel not-inferior is a lucrative job offer, even if I don’t take it.

The initial “enviable achievements” are usually one of these 5
1) income, almost always managerial [2]
2) investment, mostly property
3) beautiful wife
* fitness, flexibility and body shape
* short commute

The other factors are usually (as they should) in my “don’t-care/unimportant-to-me” list, but they sneak into my inferiority complex.

* (multiple) degreed from prestigous universities? Actually most of them are inferior to me!
* academic kids
* competitions and awards to himself or kids
* branded employers? many of them have fewer than mine
* running his own side business? I did while many of them didn’t
* wife professional career
* work-life balance… “easy job”? Questionable. Most high-paying jobs require effort
* writing and music skills? I achieved more than most of them!
* publications
* cars? is a liability not an asset!
* green card
* vacations to many places? Huge cost, no real gain for me
* magerial success at an erly age
* golf skills? i couldn’t care less when I’m not losing my critical thinking.
* networking skill, smooth personality? I’m not this type

[2] as soon as I hear the MD title of some ex-classmate, I lose my critical thinking defence.

Better consider [[compassion and self hate]] and Buddhist teaching

[1] Beside ML, Here are some questionable names. Many of them I barely know the name and job title, so my inferiority is fundamentally similar to my infatuation over the Indonesian girl Sandy, whom I spoke to fewer than 3 times.
* Lu Nuo — I only know he has a writing hobby …
* Cai Hongyu
* Tao YY — I don’t really know how he is doing
* Yang Yang
* Xie Xiaoli

[3] briefly on myself — math, piano, c#, swing, properties, blog, helping friends with job hunting

stigma^trauma^gzPIP ^esteem^1stAid^t_bonusStigma

  • I would say t_trauma is a form of t_stigma, but deeper, more impact
  • stigma — stems from PIP and bonus
  • bonusStigma — is better tag than stigma… more specific.
  • “esteem” and 1stAid are positive, but 1stAid items have immediate impact.

Many of these posts are a subset of PIP or Mgr^Contractor. My self-esteem crisis is invariably triggered by these two sources, but ..

…. in terms of severity PIP is 10x heavier than peer comparison.

 

## +ve keywords]%%annual appraisal

I really don’t want to care too much about manager’s comments. Those comments tend to hurt deeply. They often reflect the manager’s personal agenda, never a balanced/unbiased view. The keyword list is designed to counter some of the negative comments.

  • [zed, catcha] versatile, broad-based
  • [GS] ownership
  • [GS] client relationship
  • [GS, Chartered] attention to details
  • [GS] code quality. I was asked to present and publish
  • [GS, Mansion] technical strength
  • [GS, Barc] analytical
  • well-planned
  • [Barc, GS] knowledge sharing
  • [Barc, GS] personal sacrifices
  • [95G] architecture design
  • [Mac] good at team working across departments
  • [Mac] adaptive to new tech; fast learning