opaque challenge:(intermediate)data browser #push the limit

Opacity — is a top 3 (possibly biggest) fear and burden in terms of figure-things-out-relative-to-cowokers on a localSys. The most effective and direct solution is some form of instrumentation tool for intermediate data. If you develop or master an effective browsing tool, however primitive, it would likely become a competitive advantage in terms of figure-out speed, and consequently earn you some respect.

LocalSys — I feel most of the effective data browser knowledge is localSys knowledge.

If you are serious about your figure-out speed weakness, if you are seriously affected by the opaque issues, then consider investing more time in these browsing tools.

Hard work, but worthwhile.

  • eg: Piroz built a Gemfire data browser and it became crucial in the Neoreo project
  • #1 eg: in my GS projects, the intermediate data was often written into RDBMS. Also important — input and output data are also written into RDBMS tables. Crucial in everyday trouble-shooting. I rank this as #1 in terms of complexity and value. Also this is my personal first-hand experience
  • #2 eg: RTS rebus — during development, I captured lots of output CTF messages as intermediate data… extremely valuable
    • Once deployed, QA team relied on some web tools. I didn’t need to debug production issues.
    • I remember the static data team save their static data to RDBMS, so they relied on the RDBMS query tool on a daily basis.

Now some negative experiences

  • eg: I’m not too sure, but during the Stirt QZ dev projects I didn’t develop enough investigation skill esp. in terms of checking intermediate data.
  • eg: in Mvea, we rely on net-admin commands to query order state, flow-element state and specific fills… Not as convenient as a data store. I never became proficient.
    • I would say the FIX messages are logged consistently and serve as input and output data browser.

Many projects in my recent past have no such data store. I don’t know if there’s some effective solution to the opacity, but everyone else face the same issue.

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GTD fear-graph: delays^opacity^benchmark..

  • — manifestations first, fundamental, hidden factors last
  • PIP, stigma, damagedGood. Note I’m not worried about cashflow
  • [f] project delays
  • [f] long hours
  • [f] long commute
  • large codebase in brown field. Am slower than others at reading code.
  • [f] opacity — is worse than complexity or codebase size
  • figure-out speed benchmark — including impostor’s syndrome
  • [f = faced by every team member]
The connections among these “nodes” look complex but may not be really complex.
PIP is usually the most acute, harmful item among them. I usually freak out, though in hind sight I always feel I tried my best and should not feel ashamed. Josh is one manager who refuses to use PIP, so under Josh I had no real fear.

PIP@Macq: tough judge@%%design

If I were the judge, then Kevin’s solution may get rejected or rated mediocre.

I think the judgement can be unreasonably tough when the judge herself is a practitioner — consider Yang and Sundip Jangi.

On the other hand,

  • Yang liked my OO design in EOS
  • Sundip liked my personalization design

The outcome (PIP etc) doesn’t mean my work (i.e. output) is sub-standard. The outcome has many reasons and causes.

I need to be fair and impartial to myself. [[learned optimism]] uses the three P’s. One of them is Personal.

stigma^trauma^gzPIP^esteem^1stAid

  • I would say t_trauma is a form of t_stigma, but deeper, more impactful
  • stigma — stems from PIP and bonus
  • “esteem” and 1stAid are positive, but 1stAid have immediate impact.

Many of these posts are a subset of PIP or Mgr^Contractor. My self-esteem crisis is invariably triggered by these two sources, but ..

.. in terms of severity PIP is 10x heavier than peer comparison.

 

##robust^traumatized reactions #kids,BGC..

See also ##[19] PIP hazard=worse than kids,BMI,BGC..

“Bad things happen to all of us. What counts is our reaction.” — first hard from a PWM contractor from India.

I don’t want a big tabular analysis… Perhaps just focus on how fast I regained strength. Resilience and robust are big words in my vocabulary. Self-esteem is important too, but optimism is more important.

  • “C” is my self-rating of My reactions to PIP —- traumatized 惊弓之鸟. too long-lasting, too personal, too ruminative. It /cast too long a shadow/ over my long-term career planning and job choices.
    • 🙂 However, I am always courageous and resilient to take up the challenge right after the PIP, and focus on work.
  • ——- all other reactions are more calm, resilient or even robust ——-
  • “B     ” my reaction to high-flier classmates —- I continue to fight the irrational , illogical reaction.  The harm is much light than PIP reaction.
  • “BBB ” My reaction to U.S. and Singapore immigration issues —- a little drawn out. I worried for quite a long time, proportional to the level of complexity. But I was calm and focused on the problem.
  • “BBB ” My reaction to the trespass —- severe for the first few days but I managed to shrug it off after lots of research online.
  • “BB   ” My reaction to kids’ academic difficulties, weight problem, —- a bit Pessimistic, but much lighter in comparison to PIP. I managed to detach myself emotionally and grow my resilience.
  • “AAA ” My reaction to investment foes —- shows a sign of strength. Resilience. I shrugged it off most of the time and focused on work.
  • “A     ” My reaction to rejections by women —- not robust not positive. I kinda acknowledged that I have a high standard and I wasn’t so attractive on the ‘market’. I think that was fairly realistic.
  • “BBB+”My reaction to the underwhelming quant prospect, my poor ROI —- realistic and negative. I didn’t complain for long. I accepted it and put it aside.
  • “AA   ” My reaction to my c# ROI —- calm. I remain confident about my c#.
  • “AAA ” my reaction to the perceived gap behind coding test pros. I renew my effort without over-thinking
    “AAA ” my reaction to contract terminations at Citi —- positive. I wasted no time. No self-pity.
  • “AAA+”My reactions to repeated interview rejections — always robust and positive. I get right back on the horse after I fall.

##xp: enough localSys⇒GTD #but respect≠guaranteed

Did localSys effort save me? See my rather surgical tabulation analysis of past PIP + survivals

  1. GS — No, not a lot of respect, but I was able to hold my end of the log. With insufficient localSys I would get even less respect.
  2. Quest — No. The PIP was due to many factors. I feel my Quest GTD was adequate. With insufficient localSys, I would get even less respect.
  3. 🙂 RTS — yes
  4. 95G + volFitter — limited localSys .. nice green field projects for me.
  5. Macq — No. However, With insufficient localSys, I would have been kicked out within Y1

— Macq? I now feel my localSys at Macq was deeper than at Quest or RTS

  • I put in lots of effort and was able to diagnose most build errors on MSVS and Linux.
  • I needed lots of localSys knowledge to modernize codebase for MSVS-2015 and c++14.
  • I needed localSys + innovative on-the-fly code gen + other skills to add the logging decorator into pymodels. This hack alone is worth a bonus. This hack is more effective more valuable than all my hacks in OC.

However, I feel the expectation was too high so in the end I got PIP and felt like damaged good.

I need to challenge that negative impression of the entire episode.

tsn: what if I fail due2capabilities #Okao

Yet another revisit. See also post on dare2fail.

My intern David Okao asked “What if the west coast workplaces are too demanding? Can you cope?” I replied

  • As an adventurer, I don’t mind the risk… robust, resilient confidence
  • As an adventurer, I see myself as adaptable, a survivor
  • I may have my secret weapons
  • I may find my strengths such as domain knowledge, data analysis, trouble-shooting, efficient design, math(yes)

I then went over a similar discussion about MLP with Ashish, when I said —

  • If similar to Macq, I put up a good fight but still fail due to personal “capabilities”, I ought to feel positive about the whole experience.
  • I’m good at the job-hunting game so no real worries.

##%% predictionS @prob(PIP)=unreliable

  • [o] RTS — I estimated 20->30-40% risk but actually zero
  • [o] OC — I felt I was doing nothing for months (20% risk) but they offered me a transfer
  • [o] citi — I wasn’t productive (30% risk) but they extended my contract for 6M
  • [u] Macq — I felt I was decent (2% risk), but expectation was way too high
  • [u] Stirt – I felt I was moving up (2% risk), but headcount pressure came as surprise
  • [u] barclays — I did superb job (0% risk) but head count pressure came as surprise
  • [u] 95G — I did superb job (0% risk) but head count pressure came as surprise
  • [o=overestimate of prob(PIP or layoff)]
  • [u=underestimate]

real effort but below-bar@@ only Macq

Macq is probably the only job where I focused on localSys GTD but still fell below the bar.

The PIP cast a long shadow and left a deep scar. Am still recovering. This scar is deeper than Stirt …

Remember the abused children, who grew up traumatized? I was not traumatized as a kid. My traumatic experience is still /devastating/ but I can handle it. I have the maturity to handle it.

Adults are often traumatized by failed marriage, in-law conflicts,..

## GP+Ashish: 随遇而安@PIP #GS

grandpa’s advice is 随遇而安 — “Do your best. If they decide it’s a role mismatch then look for another job”. I will expand on his advice and add relevant tips and observations

  • academic self-image .. fragile — Ashish pointed out I was academically too successful and unable to cope with put-downs
  • best effort — I don’t need to bend over backward and sacrifice family
  • no shame
  • no fear of stigma — sounds impossible but it is possible !
  • no regret
  • guilt — the guilt should be on employer for making a wrong hire and creating hardship in my life.
  • stay positive — there’s a chance I can survive for 1-2 years
  • peer caliber — Ashish said those guys aren’t rock stars
  • Saurabh attitude — I believe at a high salary or as the first technology hire for Julian, expectation would be rather high. Can I withstand the pressure as Saurabh did?
  • GS pressure cooker — I survived there, so I should be able to survive anywhere else.
  • learning to cope — At GS/Qz/Macq, did I learn coping strategies to manage the pressure? I hope so.

The pressure to perform would likely create real stress in the family, as i’m not as ‘carefree’ as in Bayonne. I feel some of the past stigmas would come back to haunt me.

See also choose job for respect,stigma,benchmark

 

trauma creates knee-jerk reactions to PIP #Deepak

Hi Deepak,

Your endured a traumatic episode without a job for months. I had, on a smaller scale, traumatic experiences under managers who don’t appreciate my effort and demanded improvement in performance. I felt like damaged goods.

I now believe these traumatic experiences shape an individual’s outlook, to put it mildly. In each individual’s career, there’s only one (or two) defining experience. These singular experiences tend to leave a long and deep scar in our psyche.

In my career, the biggest pain is not job loss. In fact, as I said last time, in hind sight my job loss was a positive turning point. My biggest pains were always negative performance reviews. I’m so scared and scarred that I now assign a disproportionate value to manager’s assessment, and basically ignore other people’s assessment, and ignore the level of difficulty of my role. What I ignore are crucial factors. Ignoring them is an irrational decision and leads to distorted perception of myself relative to coworkers.

I developed naive, knee-jerk reactions that as soon as I get a negative assessment from manager, I immediately see myself as damaged goods, of inferior quality and incompetent, when in reality the role expectation could be wholly unsuitable for me. Imagine you are expected to give salesy presentations to upper management and you are seen as not persuasive not technical enough.

G3 bitter setbacks]sg

  1. long service, moving-up attempts failed 3 times in SG. Self-esteem damaged each time due to damagedGood.
    • Next time I get into a perm job, I will not try so hard
  2. c++ visible progress was slow; c# visible progress was faster but abandoned
  3. .. minor setbacks
  4. MSFM poor ROI. See tabulation
  5. FSM and trading as a side project and new direction? Unwhelming exprience… didn’t realy bear fruits

Now I feel such failed attempts are part of life for everyone unless you don’t make any attempt. It’s irresponsible to avoid reviewing those unsuccessful attempts, but let’s not be too fixated on the negatives.

donut bonus often precedes job loss#XR

I won’t talk about my personal experiences (too painful) but in general, a donut bonus often means

You are free to go

You are the weakest member of the team

You are not qualified not competent for the role

You will be assigned some unimportant shitty work

You need to improve or get out of here

You are classified as “damaged goods”.

If you choose to remain, you may get increasingly harsh treatment, until you move on.

You may not have the option to stay here and remain an organization deadweight

However, if 1/3 of the team members get donut bonus, then it’s normal and not so bad.

## +ve keywords]%%annual appraisal

I really don’t want to care too much about manager’s comments. Those comments tend to hurt deeply. They often reflect the manager’s personal agenda, never a balanced/unbiased view. The keyword list is designed to counter some of the negative comments.

  • [zed, catcha] versatile, broad-based
  • [GS] ownership
  • [GS] client relationship
  • [GS, Chartered] attention to details
  • [GS] code quality. I was asked to present and publish
  • [GS, Mansion] technical strength
  • [GS, Barc] analytical
  • well-planned
  • [Barc, GS] knowledge sharing
  • [Barc, GS] personal sacrifices
  • [95G] architecture design
  • [Mac] good at team working across departments
  • [Mac] adaptive to new tech; fast learning